My wellness journey
My Story
My awakening
On August 11, 2022, I stepped on the scale. The digital display read 339 pounds! I groaned with surprise and anger.
As I look back, I’m not sure why I felt surprised. My weight had been trending upward for the past two decades. I remembered when I hit 300 pounds and promised myself that I’d make some lifestyle changes to lose weight. Sadly, my words ended up being more good intentions without any behavior to back them up.
Stepping off the scale, I said to myself, “John, you’re in terrible physical health. You’re going to die prematurely, but before you die, you’re going to become disabled.”
I imagined having a stroke or a heart attack. Falling and breaking a hip. I saw myself with limited mobility, putting a burden on my children, because I couldn’t care for myself.
A bit dramatic, I know, but that was the story I told myself. Somehow, I could deal with dying prematurely, but I couldn’t live a low-quality life that came before premature death.
I felt anger, disgust, fear and sadness. Those emotions activated my internal critic. “You idiot! How could you do this to yourself?” Then my condemner took over. “You’re hopeless! You’ll never lose this weight. You’re going to die early, but before that happens, you’ll be disabled, worthless, and lonely.”
My internal narrative turned into a pessimistic, disempowering, fixed mindset. I saw myself as a victim. “You don’t have what it takes, and you never did. Just give up!” It was an old story, one that began in childhood.
At that moment, something awoke in me. I saw a memory of my father in his late sixties, slowly pulling an oxygen bottle behind him with labored breathing. He had not taken care of his health and spent the last five years of his life with limited mobility and low quality of life. I felt fear because I was nearing his age. I decided I wouldn’t follow in his footsteps. No more false words with good intentions. I said aloud. “I can do this; it’s time to act.”
My first steps
Before the day was over, I found a science-based, weight loss program that required me to record everything I ate or drank. It also included a nutritionist/coach, a real person not a virtual one. She checked in with me twice daily to track my progress, providing accountability without judgment and offering support and encouragement.
Slowly, I began making healthier choices through regular meal prepping. I established new eating habits and routines. I felt better, and my scale validated weekly weight loss. My hopeless, fixed mindset began to shift. “I am doing this!”
My nutritionist/coach gave me kindness, compassion, and patience. She emphasized consistency over intensity because my perfectionistic tendencies and impatience sought to hinder with my progress. After a month or so, she asked me to add daily walking to my schedule, nothing rigorous, just a pleasant, evening walk, tracking my steps with a fitness app.
Finding my groove
By the end of October, I weighed 308 pounds. I had lost about 2.5 pounds per week. My eating and exercise routines and habits I started working with my personal doctor, another nutritionist, and a health psychologist. I increased my cardio workouts and added weight training to my gym routine. By August 2023, I weighed 250 pounds. A year later, I weighed 225 pounds. While my weight loss slowed, which wasn’t unexpected, other metrics (blood work and my workout log) showed I was healthier, stronger, and fitter. I lost 114 pounds and kept it off.
Dissecting my journey
For many people, their Wellness Journey starts with the physical dimension. We live in our bodies. We interact with others through our bodies. We see ourselves in mirrors (or refuse to look after a point). We’re constantly confronted by body image stereotypes and messages in movies, television shows, magazines, and social media. Body-shaming is prevalent in our culture. We’re taught at a young age to dislike our bodies. Then our metabolisms begin to slow in midlife, and those extra pounds get harder to lose because our bodies don’t respond to exercise as they once did.
One reason why I didn’t pay attention to my physical wellness was simply because I had higher-level wellness in other areas. I was happy and fulfilled occupationally. I was connected to my spiritual values and living with purpose and meaning. Intellectually, I was stimulated and open to new ideas and experiences.
Denial was the second reason I neglected my physical wellness. I associated too much discomfort, pain, and shame with my body. Childhood traumatic memories from gym class and athletics reminded me that I wasn’t good enough and didn’t have what it takes. Denial kept these feelings in my blind spot, and when I huffed up a flight of stairs and became consciously aware of my lack of fitness, I would quickly create some rationalization. When you don’t want to do something, any excuse will do.
My health psychologist helped me realize how my lack of physical wellness had affected me socially and emotionally. As my health and fitness deteriorated, I withdrew from people and surrounded myself with introverted interests and hobbies. I also withdrew emotionally from myself and didn’t give myself the compassion and empathy I needed to feel what was happening to me and cope with these challenges. I also learned that I overly focused on my intellectual wellness to make up for my lack of physical wellness as a way of nurturing positive self-esteem.
The human self is indivisible, and even though I write about eight dimensions of wellness, it’s mainly a practical way to illustrate things. These dimensions are synergistic, meaning that a change in one dimension affects the others. As I improved my physical wellness, my overall wellness improved.
I learned that motivation arrives after taking value-based action. If I waited until I felt motivated to engage in healthy behaviors, nothing happened. Procrastination took over. But once I started preparing a healthy meal or took the first steps of a walk, those feelings disappeared, and I felt motivated to continue. Afterwards, I felt proud of myself, and boosted my self-esteem. Most importantly, every small success strengthened a growth mindset, the belief that my efforts and persistence can produce change and setbacks are temporary.
I gathered a supportive environment and team. I changed my environment to facilitate healthy eating and exercise routines. My team consisted of nutritionists, health psychologists, my physicians, and my daughter and son.
I had always heard that consistency is more important than intensity, but I didn’t want to believe it. My impatience wanted immediate results. I felt like I had to be perfect and pursue tasks and goals with an intensity that often led to burnout or quitting in frustration when results didn’t come fast enough.
If I can do it, you can do it!
Highly-level wellness is a journey, not a destination. I’ve made substantial improvements in my physical wellness and have created healthy habits and routines that have made progress easier. I’m incorporating my growth mindset and knowledge as I address new goals in other wellness dimensions.
I used to think that I could do it on my own—good old American individualism in action. After decades of struggling and failing, I admitted I had flawed beliefs. Change happens in community. When I surrounded myself with a supportive team, who could guide me and hold me accountable, improvement and growth happened. As the pounds dropped and I felt healthier and happier, I became more motivated and confident that change in any wellness dimension is possible.
What wellness dimension do you want to improve? Let me help.